I Have Been Set Free

Usually, I agree with the saying - "There are 2 sides to every story."

But in some situations, I personally believe it does NOT apply.

Example 1 - A murderer kills an innocent person. THAT IS WRONG! Definitely NO two sides.

Example 2 - A paedophile abuses a young child. THAT IS WRONG! Definitely NO two sides.

What I am about to reveal next comes from deep within my heart.

I was a victim.

And I let it eat me away for a while. I let it destroy me slowly...

One of my guy friends tried to sexually violate me. It wasn't like pinching my ass or trying to kiss me...it was worse than that...it was disgusting behaviour...no, I wasn't raped, but I dread to think what would have happened if I was too scared to fight back...but let's not go into details...sometimes, I still get the nightmares and relive the horror....

Anyway, if you know me well, you will know that I let people walk all over me. So I let this "thing" lie...and nothing was done about it...The apology was half-hearted, followed by the words, "GET A GRIP!"

I didn't really understand...I fought back the tears...I thought I was strong and could fight it alone...I let my heart harden...and I would constantly tell myself "I hate guys!"...

No, actually, I don't hate guys! It's just that I really, really, really dislike that guy! That guy swarms around fooling people about what a nice guy he is...but I know differently...

The stupid thing is - we remained friends for a while!! Until one night, I woke up after another nightmare and I prayed to God for a solution.

And like always, He answers my prayers because the next day, this guy confronted me, via text message. Without going into too much detail (as I am not trying to out him), he said I disrespect friendships!!

WTF? DISRESPECT???? I respect all my true friends dearly!!

What did I do? I wrote a long email expressing my hurt feelings about how he tried to molest me, etc. And I even ended it with an offer of friendship...YES I STUPIDLY DID!! What was I thinking? And I still gave him his birthday present! HAHAHAHA!!!! I am stupid!

Thank God, he had the decency to refuse the offer of friendship.

Even though, he was out of my life, I could still see the damage he has caused in my life.

I feel like I have hated guys since foreverrrrrrrrrrrr - especially after Abusive Exboyfriend and then Commitment-phobic Exfiance and then Mr Use & Abuse, and Mr Sexual Harrassment, etc - and then him - Mr Molester!

SICK!

For a while, I have had such low self-esteem...I think I don't deserve to be loved...I think all men are sh*t-heads...I think all guys are after ONE thing (usually, they are though)...I started piling on the makeup to get confident...etc...etc...

But I have recently made some amazing friends who accept me as I am...who do not think I am annoying or whiny....who think I am funny...who want to know more about me...who do not tell me to shut up when I am doing my crazy rambling thing...

And one more thing...I shared about Mr Molester tonight and my friend prayed for me and I feel like I have been set free.

No, I did NOT deserve it. Yes, I am a victim.

And it is my story...my side of the story...but then what would be his side - "She was asking for it???"

Sorry, but I have never ever ever ever encouraged this guy. Anyway, let's not play the guessing game of who is Mr Molester... (I refuse to even acknowledge him in my pieces of writing from now on...I will not let it affect my life!)

Instead, let's play the guessing game of who I really want to write about...oh, it's late...will have to save that for another day....

Dear Mr Molester,
If you're reading this, stop reading my blogs please - let me live my life in peace - thanks!

Dear Readers,
If something happens to me, e.g. mysteriously die under mysterious circumstances, then Mr Molester did it!!! If I don't blog again by the end of this week, it means I am lying dead in Sydney somewhere - please tell my mum I love her - thanks!